


Loved You Too Much

by dojaefairy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23214934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dojaefairy/pseuds/dojaefairy
Summary: Turns out that there is a name for the disease Yuta contracted, he realizes as he can't help but keep throwing up dandelions. It's called Hanahaki, it's such a beautiful yet sad name and Yuta doesn't know how much time he has left before his unrequited feelings for Doyoung kill him.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Nakamoto Yuta/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung (one-sided)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Loved You Too Much

This is possibly the worst sight to wake up to.

Yuta rubs his eyes, but nothing has changed: Jaehyun is back-hugging Doyoung as the latter is cooking, and they’re way too close. There’s nothing necessary about the way Jaehyun’s chest is plastered against Doyoung’s back, and how he’s got his arms solidly linked around Doyoung’s waist. On top of that, Jaehyun is half-whispering, half-kissing Doyoung’s red ears, and Doyoung is laughing loudly because it’s obvious he loves the attention.

As one of Jaehyun’s hands slips under Doyoung’s shirt to caress his stomach, Yuta clears his throat because that’s too much. His best friends jump at the same time, and Jaehyun detaches himself from Doyoung with red ears. Doyoung is just as red in the face, and he coughs.

“Thank you Yuta,” he says, “Jaehyun was bothering me and I couldn’t cook.”

Yuta quirks an eyebrow at that, because that sounds like a big, fat lie. Jaehyun laughs at Doyoung’s excuse and kisses him on a cheek, loudly, making Doyoung yelp. Yuta’s heart sinks in his stomach, and he grits his teeth.

Jaehyun announces he’s going to shower and dress up before they have lunch, and Doyoung shoos him away, obviously embarrassed. Yuta tries his best not to glare at Jaehyun’s back as he heads for the bathroom, and tells himself to relax. He wishes he could not be overwhelmed by jealousy so quickly after waking up, but he’s unfortunately grown used to it.

He casts a look in Doyoung’s direction, and wishes he could be as bold as Jaehyun when it comes to showing him affection. But he’s also painfully aware that his affection is not what Doyoung wants. He could never spend time back hugging Doyoung and kissing him the way Jaehyun does.

Having Doyoung’s full attention is a Jaehyun privilege only.

As much as Yuta hates feeling jealous, he despises it all the more as he’s jealous of Jaehyun, who’s possibly the second least person you’d hate on Earth – after Doyoung. Jaehyun is gentle and handsome, he laughs easily and makes everyone around him join him in his laughing, he’s basically everyone’s ideal type – including Doyoung’s, obviously, but definitely not Yuta’s.

Yuta was told that three is a cursed number in friendship, and he didn’t want to believe it because he naively thought that the best friend trio he formed with Doyoung and Jaehyun was unbreakable. However, the moment he fell in love with Doyoung, he realized that he was putting their bond at risk. The sensation grew worse as he noticed Doyoung and Jaehyun falling for each other over months, while he was left behind.

Jaehyun and Doyoung aren’t dating – yet – but Yuta has no doubts it will eventually happen. Doyoung’s eyes are filled with stars whenever he looks at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun gets always incredibly soft when he’s with Doyoung. Recently, Jaehyun has grown much bolder when it comes to skinship, occasionally kissing Doyoung, and Yuta can’t take it. He wishes the pain could stop.

“Doyoung?” Jaehyun calls out, and both Yuta and Doyoung look at him.

He’s only wearing sweatpants, meaning his torso is completely exposed, and while Yuta feels nothing seeing his muscles, Doyoung next to him turns beet red.

“Yes?” Doyoung’s voice cracks, and it’s obvious he’s trying not to stare at Jaehyun’s abs.

“You’re wearing my shirt, and I wanted to wear it today,” Jaehyun says, casual, but Yuta catches the glint in his eyes.

Doyoung coughs, and whines cutely.

“Okay, I’ll change into another shirt,” he gives in, and he turns off the fire under the pan.

Yuta follows him with his eyes as he heads to his room, taking off Jaehyun’s shirt as he does. Jaehyun follows him and he hears them tease each other. He sighs, rubbing his temples. He doesn’t need a lot of imagination to picture Jaehyun taking the shirt off Doyoung’s hands, putting it on probably solely because Doyoung was wearing it, and then staring appreciatively as Doyoung is dressing up with a new tee shirt.

They come back in the kitchen, and Yuta frowns as they’re holding hands. Doyoung lets go quickly as to go serve the food, but it doesn’t erase the fact that they were being touchy with each other.

“Food now!” Jaehyun asks in a cute voice, and Doyoung laughs loudly.

“Yuta, are you okay?” Doyoung asks as he starts filling plates.

Yuta looks at him, and he feels touched seeing Doyoung frown in worry.

“Slept badly,” Yuta answers, lying easily, and Doyoung nods, biting his lower lip.

“Do you need anything?” Jaehyun asks as he’s setting up the table.

That’s another thing Yuta can’t stand about Jaehyun: he’s way too caring, which makes it even more ridiculous to despise him when really Jaehyun is just that adorable fluffball who loves and adores his friends.

“I’ll take some aspirin if my headache doesn’t go away,” Yuta reassures the both of them, and they nod.

“Let me know if I can help,” Jaehyun says, and Doyoung nods, adding “me too!”.

Yuta forces a smile. He locks himself in his room during the afternoon, unable to join Doyoung and Jaehyun as they watch a movie while cuddling.

* * *

A few days later, Yuta wakes up coughing. He wonders what’s wrong, because he wasn’t sick when he went to bed. There’s something scratching in his throat, something that really tickles him the wrong way, and it takes some really violent coughing to let it out. He stares at his bed sheets, dumbfounded, now filled with a multitude of yellow petals, which he recognizes as dandelion ones.

“What the fuck,” he swears under his breath, not believing it.

He takes a deep breath to calm himself, and no more petals make him cough. Still lost, he gets rid of the yellow petals, throwing them in the trash can of his room. He glares at them for making him choke so violently, and he doesn’t have time to think more about it that there’s a knock on his door.

Yuta gets the door, and Jaehyun is behind it, looking worried.

“Hey, I just heard you choke for the past twenty minutes, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, just had a really bad sore throat when waking up. Sorry,” Yuta lies easily, and Jaehyun nods, reassured.

Yuta closes the door, and sits on his bed. He takes his phone and googles his symptoms – despite knowing that when searching for anything disease related on the internet, it’ll end up telling you you’re going to die.

Yuta isn’t amused when indeed, he finds several websites that announce him that should he not get cured, he will die. He feels hot and cold, and looks for more details, not believing it. The websites call his disease the Hanahaki disease, and it’s a mortal disease caused by unrequited love.

The sick person sees themselves coughing first petals, then entire flowers, as the plant growing inside them seizes their lungs to squeeze them. Yuta feels himself sweating as specialists list only three outcomes to it: he can either get his feelings reciprocated thus true love will save his life, or he can get an operation, which will remove his feelings for the one he loves for good, or, the most somber of all, the last outcome is death.

Yuta notices his hands are trembling, so he puts away his phone, and lays on his bed. He closes his eyes, and bites his lower lips. He coughed up dandelions, which is Doyoung’s favorite flower, and it doesn’t take a genius to understand where his feelings went wrong.

Maybe that’s fate’s way to tell him to give up on Doyoung, he thinks bitterly – despite seeing Jaehyun successfully court Doyoung and Doyoung reciprocating, he’s still had his feelings for Doyoung, not wanting to give up for no other reason that his love for Doyoung was so intense he couldn’t simply pretend those feelings weren’t here.

And now, he could die solely because he loves Doyoung and Doyoung doesn’t love him back. It’s so cruel, Yuta thinks as tears well up in his eyes, it’s too cruel.

* * *

Maybe it’s the disease messing up with his common sense, but Yuta decides not to tell anyone about it. He coughs up more and more petals, making it harder to dispose of them without anyone noticing, but he’s set on not letting Doyoung or Jaehyun discover the truth. He doesn’t know what he should do, but from what he read, it’s not until he’ll throw up entire flowers that time will really be counted for him. For now, though, he’s stuck with throwing up dozens of yellow petals that scratch his throat to the point it makes it bleed.

He’s gotten a lot more tired than usual, and he doesn’t really hang out with Doyoung nor Jaehyun anymore. Not that they’ll miss him, he thinks, not when they have each other. Maybe they’re even together by now and they just haven’t told him because he’s the burden in this three person friendship.

Negative thoughts plague Yuta’s mind a lot more than usual nowadays, and it makes him all the more uneasy to do something about the disease. He’s completely lost, and he has no one to confide to.

It’s just him, and the damn sun-colored flowers.

* * *

A night as Yuta is about to fall asleep, someone knocks on his door.

“Yes?” he says, voice raspy.

He threw up a lot today, and despite all the tea and honey he drank to soothe his throat, it’s still too hurt for him to have a normal voice.

“It’s me,” the voice says, and Yuta immediately recognizes Doyoung.

“Come in,” Yuta says, not moving from under his blanket.

He turns on the light by his bed, and Doyoung hesitantly steps in. He closes the door behind him, and walks up to Yuta’s bed.

“Did I wake you up?” Doyoung asks in a small voice.

“You didn’t, I was about to go to sleep. Do you need anything?”

Doyoung opens his mouth, closes it, but opens it again.

“I’ve been missing you,” he says, and Yuta hates how his heart skips a beat.

Doyoung doesn’t mean it that way. Never has, never will.

“Also, there’s… there’s a thunderstorm, and I’m scared.”

Yuta feels pain pierce through his chest.

“Isn’t Jaehyun here?” he asks.

“He’s not, he told us he was visiting his family, remember?”

Yuta has no memories of Jaehyun saying that, but it could be because he’s been so sick the past few weeks.

“I didn’t want to bother you because you’ve been sick for a while, so I’ve been spending more time with Jae because I thought you’d need time to recover,” Doyoung resumes, “but I can’t sleep alone.”

As if on cue, the sky roars, and rain starts falling loudly. Yuta doesn’t hesitate, and makes room in his bed for Doyoung. He might be deadly sick because of his feelings for him, and he might be deadly jealous of what Jaehyun has going on with Doyoung, but he isn’t heartless to the point he can deny Doyoung this.

He stills loves him, foolishly so, and even with the knowledge that Doyoung doesn’t reciprocate and would probably be in Jaehyun’s bed if it wasn’t for his absence, he still wants to spend time with Doyoung. He’ll indulge himself in hugging Doyoung tightly against him, breathing in his sweet perfume, and for that night at least, he’ll pretend everything is fine.

“You feeling okay?” Yuta asks, and Doyoung nods.

Doyoung turns off the light, and rolls so he faces Yuta. There’s a short silence between them, and Doyoung speaks up again.

“I really missed you,” he repeats, “and I’ve been worried because you didn’t want to hang out. Are you still feeling sick?”

Yuta ponders about telling him the truth. But he quickly chooses not to. He doesn’t feel ready.

“I missed you too,” he starts, “and yeah, I’ve had this really bad cold that doesn’t want to leave.”

“Maybe you should see a doctor,” Doyoung says, “it’s really been weeks and it still hasn’t gone away.”

“I will if it gets too bad,” Yuta answers, lying through his teeth, “don’t worry. How about we catch on some sleep for now?”

“Okay. Sleep well, Yuta.”

“You too, Doyoung.”

Yuta lets Doyoung cuddle up against him, and feels him jump whenever thunder strikes outside.

“It’s okay,” Yuta sleepily whispers, “I’m here for you.”

Neither notice falling asleep, nor do they notice Jaehyun opening the door and seeing them all curled up around each other the following morning.

* * *

Yuta didn’t think that sharing a bed with Doyoung would cause such a big issue, but it clearly does. During the day after the thunderstorm, Jaehyun is cold with both of them, especially with Doyoung who seems very lost as to why Jaehyun suddenly doesn’t want to hug him as usual.

“What’s wrong with him?” Doyoung asks Yuta discreetly, and Yuta shrugs.

It’s Doyoung’s time to meet with his family on that night, and he leaves in the early evening. He hugs Yuta before leaving, but Jaehyun refuses his hug. Doyoung’s obviously hurt when Jaehyun goes “don’t touch me!”, and Yuta feels angry Jaehyun is acting like such a tool.

Maybe it’s, once again, the disease messing up with his mind, but he decides to confront Jaehyun in the evening. They’ve just brushed their teeth and are heading for their respective rooms, but Yuta calls out Jaehyun.

“Care to explain why you’ve been so snappy the whole day? Didn’t you see that you really upset Doyoung with your behavior?”

Something seems to switch within Jaehyun, and he walks to Yuta.

“Well Doyoung sure didn’t seem upset sleeping in your arms this morning,” Jaehyun spits, and it clicks in Yuta’s mind that Jaehyun probably came back early this morning and wanted to greet Doyoung, but upon not seeing him in his bed, he checked Yuta’s room and saw them together.

“Stop turning this into a bigger issue than it truly is,” Yuta snarls, and it only serves to make Jaehyun angrier.

“Well excuse me for thinking that you went really far with Doyoung and it doesn’t sit well with me because you know how I feel towards him-”

Yuta feels both an intense anger and pain shooting through his body, and he slams his fist against the wall. He immediately regrets it, but Jaehyun shuts up, surprised at his outburst.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Yuta screams, and Jaehyun stares at him, dumbfounded. “Oh my god, just shut the fuck up already. I know you love Doyoung and it’s fucking obvious he only has eyes for you, so why won’t you let me live? Doyoung wouldn’t even care if I died, and you need to fucking stop imagining things just because we shared a bed because of that thunderstorm.”

There’s a heavy silence between them, and when Yuta has finally gathered enough courage to look up at Jaehyun, he’s surprised to see tears in his eyes. That’s not the reaction he was expecting, and it kind of soothes his feelings.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says, voice almost breaking, “I’m sorry for hurting you, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I was overly jealous for nothing.”

It’s so sensible that Yuta has trouble believing Jaehyun just said that. Jaehyun wipes a tear that rolls down his cheek, and speaks up again.

“But please don’t say that Doyoung wouldn’t care if you died, don’t you dare say that. You’re incredibly important to both me and Doyoung because you’re our best friend, and I can’t imagine losing you. Why did you say that?”

Yuta blinks, and that’s when it hits. Jaehyun’s barely finished talking that Yuta falls to his knees, hiccuping, and there’s the disagreeable sensation that comes in his throat before he’s about to throw up.

“Yuta?” Jaehyun asks, worried, “Yuta, are you okay?”

Yuta takes a deep breath, enough to soothe himself until he reaches the bathroom where he ends up bent in two over the toilet seat, throwing up dandelions. Jaehyun rushes and follows him, and he gasps, shocked, as Yuta throws up again and again. Yuta barely hears Jaehyun’s knees hit the floor, but he feels Jaehyun’s hand on his back, rubbing circles.

Once the crisis is over, Jaehyun helps him up, and tells him to wash his mouth as he takes care of cleaning the toilet. Yuta does so with difficulty, and Jaehyun helps him walk to his bedroom where he eventually lays on his bed. Jaehyun caresses his forehead, gently, and Yuta closes his eyes.

“I’m gonna get you some water with sugar,” Jaehyun tells him, and he’s back in no time.

Yuta, feeling about to pass out, forces himself to swallow the sugar cube and the water, and relief washes over his body. His throat still hurts because of the throwing up, though.

“Take it easy,” Jaehyun soothes him.

Yuta closes his eyes once more, and Jaehyun takes his hand.

“Is it Doyoung?” Jaehyun asks in a whisper, and Yuta instantly understands Jaehyun knows what’s going on. He doesn’t ask how, but he hates that Jaehyun immediately understood.

“Who else could it be?” Yuta answers on the same tone, and he hears Jaehyun choking on a sob.

“Why did we have to love the same person?” he asks, sniffling, “and why you? Why is this happening to you?”

“Shouldn’t you be happy?” Yuta says, “Doyoung loves you back and I’m going to die so I won’t be in your way anymore.”

There’s another heavy silence, and Yuta opens his eyes. He’s met with the devastating sight of fat tears rolling freely on Jaehyun’s cheeks, and Jaehyun is staring at him with the most shocked expression Yuta has ever seen on him.

“What are you saying...” Jaehyun starts, “oh my god Yuta are you out of your mind? Did you just imply that I should be happy you’re dying?”

Yuta can’t even bring himself to shrug. Jaehyun’s sobs double over and he suddenly hugs Yuta, openly crying in his neck as he circles his shoulders. Yuta feels so tired no tears are coming, and Jaehyun is crying enough for two. It takes forever before Jaehyun stops crying, and he’s got the hiccups as he tries to talk again.

“Please don’t say that, please don’t think that, it’s not true. I love you dearly, and you’re not going to die. You’re not… you’re definitely not going to die.”

Jaehyun sniffles and makes an attempt at cleaning his face.

“You need to tell Doyoung,” Jaehyun finally says, “you still have time, right? He can either reciprocate your feelings or-or you can get the operation.”

Yuta’s eyes widen, and he shakes his head.

“I’m not telling Doyoung,” he answers.

“You can’t hide it from him,” Jaehyun replies, frowning, “it’s not right. He can save you, Yuta!”

Yuta shakes his head more intensely.

“Look, you and Doyoung are the ones in love, I was never part of the equation-”

“Yuta!”

Yuta shuts up at Jaehyun’s loud tone.

“Doyoung means everything to me, he’s my whole universe and I love him more than anything in the world, I really do,” Jaehyun confesses, slowly, “but if it means saving you, then I can give up on my feelings for him. I would rather see you and him together than lose you.”

Yuta freezes at that. It obviously pains Jaehyun to say this, especially when they just had a violent argument about it, and Yuta almost feels his best friend’s physical pain in his own being.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Yuta says after a few seconds, “even if you give up on loving Doyoung, he’s in love with you and he has been for a long time, his feelings won’t change overnight. Plus, you’re perfect for each other, you’re meant to be, so don’t give me that bullshit, okay?”

Jaehyun’s visibly torn, but he nods. Yuta sighs. His head is starting to hurt.

“I don’t want you to die,” Jaehyun repeats, “please consider getting the operation if you won’t accept my solution.”

Yuta sighs again.

“Don’t tell anything to Doyoung.”

Jaehyun bites his lower lip.

“Aren’t you going to tell Doyoung before it’s too late? And I’m not letting you die. I’ll look after you.”

Yuta numbly nods, and whispers something about needing rest.

“Okay, rest for now.”

Jaehyun bends down to kiss his forehead, and whispers a “I love you Yuta”. Yuta nods, and falls asleep, slowly.

* * *

The next morning, Doyoung comes back to the apartment early. Despite still feeling awful about Jaehyun’s behavior from last night, he hopes he can talk to him and explain that there is nothing between him and Yuta. Doyoung kicks off his shoes, and sighs as he enters in the living room. The place is quiet, it’s barely 9am, and Doyoung guesses both his roommates are still asleep.

Seeing as Yuta’s door is slightly open, Doyoung’s curiosity overcomes him and he comes closer. He peeks, and he blinks confusedly as he sees Jaehyun in Yuta’s bed. Yuta is so pale, paler than he’s ever been, but he’s sound asleep. Jaehyun’s eyes are rimmed with red and the bags under his eyes are more visible, and he’s curled up next to Yuta, an arm around his waist.

Doyoung bites his lower lip, feeling conflicted. Surely there’s nothing romantic going on between his two best friends but it’s strange that they’re sharing a bed. Maybe something happened, Doyoung figures, and he lowers his head. He should probably wait and not wake them up, Yuta especially needs all the rest he can get to recover from whatever disease has been plaguing him the past weeks.

As if on cue, Jaehyun shifts in his sleep, and opens his eyes. He carefully untangles himself from Yuta, and leaves the bed quietly. Doyoung looks up and moves away from the door, and when Jaehyun exits Yuta’s room his eyes fall directly on him. Jaehyun’s eyes get as big as Doyoung, and before any of them can say anything, Jaehyun hugs Doyoung tightly.

“Jae?” Doyoung calls out, confused.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Jaehyun says, tightening his embrace around him, “I wanted to see you so badly.”

Doyoung’s heart starts racing, and he blushes against his will.

“Is that so?” he asks, making himself smaller in Jaehyun’s arms.

Jaehyun nods. He rests his hands on Doyoung’s hips, and makes eye contact with him.

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I didn’t know the whole story and I snapped at you and Yuta for nothing. We already talked and I stayed with him because he got sicker, but I really wanted to see you to let know that I am so, so sorry for acting the way I did.”

Doyoung feels overwhelmed by Jaehyun’s sincerity, and his heart feels so relieved he apologized. Jaehyun’s fond gaze on him is too much to handle, and Doyoung decides to let his heart talk. He nods, and wraps his arms around Jaehyun’s shoulders before kissing him square on the mouth. Jaehyun gasps in the unexpected kiss, but soon wraps his arms around Doyoung’s waist. Doyoung tilts his head, kissing Jaehyun with all he has to let him that he’s entirely forgiven and how much he loves him.

When they break away, both giggle as their eyes meet.

"That’s not how I was planning on confessing," Jaehyun says, getting all red.

"This is arguably the worst confession ever," Doyoung laughs.

Jaehyun whines cutely at that and buries his face in Doyoung's warm neck.

"Sorry, I wanted it to be super romantic and cool and it's the complete opposite."

Doyoung snorts.

"You can't do things that are in complete opposite with your character, it’s just untrue to yourself."

Jaehyun takes a few seconds to understand that Doyoung just insulted him and he lets out a gasp.

"I was about to ask you out, but you know what? Forget it, I don't want a rude boyfriend." Doyoung starts laughing loudly.

“You don’t wanna be my boyfriend, Jaehyunnie?” Doyoung asks, and the nickname sets Jaehyun’s cheeks on fire.

Jaehyun seals their lips together in a searing kiss, and Doyoung smiles in their kiss.

“When was there even a time I didn’t want to be yours?” Jaehyun whispers before kissing him again and again.

* * *

Yuta doesn’t need the confirmation that Doyoung and Jaehyun are now dating, for his own body reacts to the news before any of them updates him on their relationship status. He wakes up choking, and can barely drags himself to the bathroom to vomit an ugly mix of bile, blood and dandelions. He almost passes out from the pain, but tells himself to hang on because more than anything, he doesn’t want Doyoung to know about his condition.

He looks at his tired traits in the bathroom mirror, and can barely recognize himself. He looks like he’s about to pass away any minute, and he looks so heart-broken and sick. He buries his face in his hands, and hopes that the pain will leave him alone for a while. He just wants to feel healthy again, even if it’s just for a day.

* * *

But the sickness has other plans for him, for the next day, Yuta feels like he’s reached a turning point. His whole body is in unbearable pain, especially his chest, and he feels like he’s going to suffocate. It doesn’t go unnoticed by his best friends, and Yuta can’t deny that now, he can’t somehow pretend he’s fine or try to self-medicate. The worst peak of pain happens as they’re having lunch: Yuta lets go of his chopsticks, trembling so hard he can’t control it, and he can’t calm down even as Jaehyun hugs him tightly.

“Yuta, we need to take you to the hospital,” Jaehyun tells him, and even if he’s starting to lose consciousness, Yuta can hear the urgency in his voice. “I’m sorry,” he adds, and Yuta doesn’t hear more.

When he wakes up hours later, he’s, as expected, in a hospital bed. He can’t see Jaehyun, but Doyoung is there, holding on one of his hands. Doyoung flinches, having noticed he woke up, and he gets closer, carefully.

“Oh, Yuta, I’m so relieved you woke up,” Doyoung moans, “I was so worried.”

Yuta realizes he can’t exactly move his body, but he tries to talk nevertheless.

“Sorry,” he croaks.

“The doctor told us which disease you have,” Doyoung says, tightening his hold on Yuta’s weakened hand, “and Jaehyun admitted you told him recently.”

Doyoung takes a deep breath, and blinks away coming tears.

“I’m so sorry for being the cause of your pain”, Doyoung apologizes, struggling to get the words out, “I’m so sorry it’s all because of me,” he adds, letting go of Yuta’s hand to bury his face in his hands as he starts openly sobbing.

Seeing Doyoung blame himself when it’s not his fault – admittedly it’s not anyone’s fault Yuta developed feelings for him but that’s besides the point – hurts Yuta almost more than his current physical pain.

“Doyoung, please,” Yuta says, “Doyoung, listen to me.”

Doyoung wipes away his tears, and sniffles. He looks so heartbroken Yuta wishes he could do something to ease his pain, but he’ll leave that to Jaehyun.

“It’s not your fault, nor mine,” Yuta says, slowly, “it’s okay. I’m happy you have Jaehyun, I know he’ll take good care of you and likewise.”

“I can’t save you,” Doyoung says, defeated, “but please, I’m begging you with all I have, get the operation. I can’t lose you.”

At this point, Yuta knows he may have lost against the disease that’s been eating him for weeks, but he guesses it’s worth a shot. He sighs, and takes a deep breath.

He has to give up on Doyoung.

He closes his eyes, cherishing for a last time how strong his feelings of love for his best friend are, and he gives Doyoung a small nod.

“Okay.”

Doyoung nods back, and hugs him, tightly.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, it’s a promise. I swear it.”

Yuta smiles at him, and wonders what it’ll feel like not being in love anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this piece! ♡ Let me know in the comments uwu ♡♡
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dojaefairy) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.qa/dojaefairy)


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